“
Fear! Hello amazing creature!
I am here to face you:
Love was frightening,
so, I have become a lover
No longer the sly fox,
I charge ahead towards the angry lion
Now I see her face clearly
I am the roaring lion
and the one who embraces it
The moon whispers:
Don’t cover your wounds
Love can only heal if you stand naked
”
Love and fear, facing the angry lion with loving kindness; an open heartedness that requires Courage. This is a courage of a type I have never truly known before – at least not consciously endorsed and nourished. This is a courage that lights my path in the darkest of nights; a strength from deep within, calling me to embrace the darkness as well as the light. This courage seeks to wrap around me, not to protect me; instead to create a space for my vulnerability to flow just as freely as the dawn greets the new day or the dusk blankets the night; as freely as the universe exists in all of its wonder and perfection.
I recall, in my last post of 2020, I made a promise to you, my readers. A promise to explore and share additional ways I was supporting my opening heart; my quest to embrace the dark and the light of living this life. I wonder now, how breaking my promise will be received, concluding that I am not neglecting my commitment to you. Instead, I am trusting my inner wisdom and knowing. My awareness is growing as I reflect about all I do to care for, nurture and to maintain my open heart; to live this both/and life. There is one thing I cannot travel without on this path. Courage. Pure and simple.
The courage I am referring to champions my claim to my inner authority – the divine gifts of body and soul intuition - even when it is uncomfortable. This courage helps me stay in the present moment as best I can, knowing that to use my gifts I must keep myself open. This still means that sometimes I feel a deeply and profoundly uncomfortable vulnerability, a heavy-duty desire to protect myself by shutting down.
Rumi is noted in one translation of his work to have written, “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.” “These pains you feel are messengers; listen to them.” I find it takes courage to bring oneself to this space of vulnerability. A place in time when we feel the heart beginning to crack; to break open like a painful wound, yet to reveal its healing.
As my heart begins to crumble, as it cracks and opens, courage holds me in its arms. I dip into the darkness of suffering and woe, exploring that which cannot be answered or solved. Here, courage feeds me and quenches my thirst while I explore the unanswerable.
“While the surface world requires certain answers …. The things that give us meaning – love, truth, paradox and peace – are unanswerable.”
As I practice being open to light and darkness, to joy as well as sorrow, to celebrate life in all of its variabilities, I am learning to be courageous in a way that is new to me. This new courage insists on a gathering up of all that I am and all that this life offers me; essential as I take each step forward.
As I practice on this path of the open-heart, I find my steps are often not perfect. I cannot always endure with my heart’s doors open. Yet even in these moments of closing and sheltering, I find myself gifted with many teachers. Some of the presents that come my way are uncomfortable to hear and see, others soothing and loving. Each in their own way they present me with opportunities to courageously practice the openness I long for.
Each opportunity requires a courage specific to facing my fear head on; like bad dreams or nightmares, things in life I never want to encounter, wrought with sadness and grief. It would be easier, I am certain, to run and hide, closing myself off or putting my head in the sand. Fortunately, courage reaches out to hold my hand as I travel farther into the darkness; diving deeply down the seeming dark and endless Rabbit Holes that life gifts me. YES! I can become very frightened. AND! I remind myself to feel the fear and do it anyway! This is what courage is!
Additionally, engaging in the activities and encounters that lovingly support me - planned or synchronistic – require a certain courage too. This is a courage that holds me as I step up to do something different and novel, without guarantee of a specific outcome. I might feel rejected. I might be uncomfortable and shy, or feel isolated on this part of my journey. I may feel judged or find myself projecting my own insecurities, fears and judgments onto others.
I have a choice at these junctures though. In these spaces I have chosen to jump in because it continues to be clear that courage is my guide and support. It is not always easy to look over the edge of the path and to leap, not knowing for certain where I will land. Yet supported by courage, I have a realized faith in this process. A deep, almost weighty trusting that each step will provide something to learn from; something that will support my heart’s opening, even if painful for a time. A trust that from the fog, clarity and deeper knowing will arise. A trust that I am never alone, always connected to everyone and everything, including that which is greater than me even if unnamed.
“The mind is everything,
What you think you become.
”
I am responsible for me. If I am closed, nothing new can enter. If my heart is open, I have the opportunity to change and grow rather than to harden and stagnate. If my heart is rigid, there is no love to give or to receive. I remind myself, that just because I think a thought does not mean this thought is the truth. I am responsible for discerning what my ego mind or left mind tells me. I have the ability to question, to discern, to soften and find my own way around any fear that arises.
“Do not dwell in the past,
Do not dream of the future,
Concentrate the mind on the present moment.
”
Is this easy for me? No! Do I fail? I question that. Certainly, I do not always feel comfortable. At times it is clear I missed the mark. I am sometimes in pain, sometimes reactive rather than responsive when discomfort arises. I have though, courage to draw on; a bravery that helps me see the path just ahead, and to trust in a life I choose to live moment-by-moment. When practicing, there is no duality, no right or wrong. There is only the exercise of living life to its fullest – living through and in love and light, living through and in fear and darkness. As I take each step, I remind myself, this next moment will be different than the one I am presently in. Time is a construct we have created to delineate what has occurred from what may become in the future. I choose to BE in this moment. Not that I don’t plan ahead. I do keep a calendar of appointments and commitments. I do prepare for meetings and events as needed. I try to let go of any need to control my time though, reminding myself that life is short, time is fleeting and NOW, is a gift given me from the Great Mystery.
As I ended my last post, I promised to speak to other practices that sustain me as I strive to embrace the darkest seasons of life; to wrap myself as well, in the seasons of light. These practices and rituals are sustenance for the courage required on my journey. A sojourn taken one step at a time, filled with tenderness and compassion no matter how the next moment arises. Below is a brief list of practices and rituals that nurture me.
REIKI – participating in a Reiki share/circle for practitioners, providing distance Reiki for others and gifting myself with Reiki on a regular basis.
https://spiritual-companion4u.com/reiki/
WRITING & CREATIVITY – using my creative nature in several ways.
– Writing, journaling, responding to prompts on my own, in a writing circle or in webinars and writing my reflections for posting. Putting words to my thinking mind helps me integrate my emotions with my body’s experience of life. Writing seems to relieve stress for me, as if the thoughts circling in my brain, straighten out as they go down my arm and the pen puts them onto the page.
- Tearing paper, using glue, creating collage art to explore and process life and all of its complexities. Here I create new ways to look at the world, now seen in the color, textures and shapes of my artwork.
MANTRAS - help me calm my mind, opening me to a sense of peace. A Mantra seems to reinforce in me, the truth about my most essential self. I find them reassuring and know on some level a Mantra helps me re-wire my brain, replacing negative, fear-based thinking with loving kindness. Here are a few of my most recent findings:
“I am my I Am Presence. I am One with Father, Mother, God.”
- Patricia Cota-Robles
- Five Reiki Principles
https://www.healthline.com/health/reiki-principles#what-are-the-principles
- Letters of Love
https://intothemagicshop.com/media
MUSIC – touches me in places that are beyond words! I have an extensive play list on my iPod and as well, I turn to YouTube, seeking meditation music, or healing Reiki music.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=reiki+healing+music
ORACLE CARDS, SHAMANIC DREAM TEAM & SHAMANIC JOURNEYS - There are many ways the intuitive, magical and mystical nourish me, filling me with love, strength, trust, clarity and courage.
- I use various Oracle Cards to aid in my connection with the Divine and Its unending love and guidance. When I open myself, the perfect message, from a loving guide arises, simply for the asking.
- I developed my Dream Team, turning to them in gratitude for their love and guidance. For more information about creating your Dream Team, see the link below.
https://www.lightsong.net/constructing-your-shamanic-dream-team-2/
- I continue to practice Shamanic Journeys, having totems and guides I travel with while following the beat of the drum.
GRATITUDE– Thank you, a quick prayer of gratitude throughout my day. Being grateful, expressing gratitude in small and simple ways seems to clear a fertile field for abundance in my life, resulting in opportunities for increasing gifts and increasing reasons to express gratefulness.
Beth offers Spiritual Companioning as well as Reiki.