“The ultimate value of staying open is that we’re scoured clean of all that might burden us:”
As I reflect on Opening my heart - my dive into authenticity - I am not certain exactly how I found the courage to begin. The doors did not just fly open for me. Nor, when I felt the latch loosen, did the doors move easily toward the Light. I had days and weeks, months perhaps, when I knew what would help or support me. Taking action though, putting the key in the slot, turning the latch when the key took, was a whole other thing in and of itself.
I needed to create a new model of support for myself; to fortify my desire to live from my heart; to unearth the courage I have within me; to lift up the strength that sustained me through difficult times in my life and not to simply revamp my previous way of being. This required a deepened, tender sense of Trust in myself; an authenticity built up from the foundation of my personal style of Intuition; space to again open my mind and Spirit to messages from the Divine - my guide as well as my source of ultimate support.
Clearing and Cleansing
“Smoke of Air and Fire of Earth.
Bless and Cleanse this Home and Hearth.
Drive away all Harm and Fear.
Only Good my Enter Here.”
There have been times over that last several months when it would become evident that I needed to smudge, clean and clear the energy around me; calm and sooth the energies emitted from the electronics in our home, from thoughts present in my mind, from dark and recurring, negative ego chatter, and from the energy of those who inhabited my home previous to me as well as all those who worked hard to create a move-in-ready house for us.
I had intended to clear/cleanse our new-to-us home before we moved in. My plan included smudging both inside the house as well as the yard surrounding the home. Intent though I seemed to be, I continued to forget the sage bundle, or the matches, or that I even had the sage in the bag of things I brought each day to support me in completing my planned activities at our soon to be home.
As I came out of my fog of resistance, smudging was the first thing I was moved to do. This was a perfect beginning; a meaningful way to re-ignite the flame within me. As I began, I took great care, getting a consistent flow of smoke rising from my sage wand; making certain that I allowed the smoke to fill every area of each room; remembering to open and smudge in each drawer, closet, cabinet and corner. I was so thorough in my process that my beloved, irritated by the smoke from the sage, took a chair and sat on our front deck for almost two hours, awaiting the cloud of his irritation to subside.
Somewhere there is a metaphor in this part of the smudging experience that I have yet to explore completely. What I do know at this point is that I had an indisputable need for the space to be unfettered by anyone as I prepared the rooms within me for new growth. Unbeknownst to him, Matt gifted me with the spaciousness needed to create the perfect order for which my soul was crying out to. As well, things began to shift and change between us; increasing the sense of love and connection between us - something I was longing for and yet had been unable to acknowledge or contribute to.
Like soaking in a clawfoot tub of hot water filled with Epsom Salts, the smoke from the sage held me, cleansed me and relaxed me. I did not feel energized by the process, more I felt lifted and relieved. I could now breathe more easily and sleep more deeply. Additionally, I felt a sense of peace rather than the overwhelm that seemed to have been haunting me for these past months. I had begun to co-create my life again; to be supported in living my life to the fullness I desired, and in collaboration with Great Spirit.
My heart opening had begun. At times my journey seemed to move forward with ease. Other moments or even days I seemed to backslide. Over-all though, I began to again listen to my personal wisdom; to believe again that what I held within me was all that I needed to live this life as the Divine was my enduring source of Light and Love.
For more in-depth information about smudging go to:
Part of the gifts I came into this world with include my own, personal style of intuition; able to more clearly experience the Light within and all around me to its fullest potential. With my path made clear by smudging, I began to recall the many other tools I had within me and before me. My toolbox was full of that which would provide for and sustain me in loving and caring for myself. I had simply closed myself off from these resources and gifts.
Many of these tools were practices I had somehow abandoned. Others came as gifts of awareness as I began to listen to my inner knowing. I am very fortunate to also have close friends, mentors, and loved ones, who continue to share their own journey with me and continue to hold me in the heart of their deep listening as I struggle on my own path. Their reflections fed my hungry heart.
MOTHER NATURE
“The voice of the Great Spirit is heard in the twittering of birds, the rippling of mighty waters, and the sweet breathing of flowers.”
After smudging my home, I realized I had other, practiced ways to ground myself each day. One was literally right in my back yard! Our new location is within walking distance of Powell Butte Park, a part of the Portland Oregon city park system. The Butte is the tallest of many Buttes in the greater Portland area; remnants of volcanic activity from eons ago. Being closed off, I had missed what was before me; an opportunity to connect with Mother Nature and all of her life-giving gifts; what I know as healing and grounding for me.
Pretty much daily, Faraday (our doggy) began to enjoy the experience of magical squirrels who, to his amazement were always and suddenly disappearing as he ran to catch up with them. And while he wondered about the squirrels, I was taken in by the magic and wonder of all the trees that sheltered us with their umbrellas of green and branches of brown; the Douglas Fir and Cedar trees, the Oak and Maples, their leaves turning golden, the carpet deepening on the hillside trails. I felt refreshed, renewed and more alive than I had for several weeks and months. Over time I have fallen into a deep love and respect for these trees, especially the old growth cedars in a grove on the Butte’s southwest hillside. These giants support the breath in me, life-giving, their physical and metaphoric role in nature.
Having always felt connected to the Mounts in the Pacific Northwest, growing up seeing Mt. Rainier in my backyard so to speak, I relished seeing Mt. Hood, Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Adams from the Butte’s summit. My heart swells with joy each time I see any of these mounts, their beauty raising me to spiritual heights too numinous to speak of. I am reminded that, in their presence, these natural beauties are not only powerful, but also a symbol of groundedness and safety, gifting me with a sense of being watched over, protected and loved no matter what happens around or within me. Their majesty embraces a fluidity and openness in me. Their grace is reflected by the courage that wells in me as I set my eyes on them and realize my potential for continued growth.
Tonglen Meditation
“Tonglen means “taking in and sending out”. This meditation practice is designed to help ordinary people like ourselves connect with the openness and softness of our hearts. Instead of shielding and protecting our soft spot, with tonglen we could let ourselves feel what it is to be human.”
One of the things I had abandon when I began to seal myself away from the world’s suffering was my meditation practice. Particularly my daily practice of tonglen – the meditation practice of sending and taking; a practice to cultivate fearlessness. Some of you may have heard me speak about or read my posts about tonglen meditation. When practicing tonglen, I find myself better able to respond to the nuances of life – the subtle differences between fear or worry and joy or love. Reminded of this practice, I recalled that living with an open heart requires acceptance of suffering. As well, it requires one to let go and release fear, worry and anger; exactly what I was holding onto with a correspondingly tight grip. As I bring the dark smoke into my heart with my tonglen practice, I create sufficient room for joy, love, kindness, gratitude and compassion to fill me.
The avoidance I had been practicing was my reaction to the agony and trauma of the earth and all beings on it. I am reminded that none of us can avoid the experience of agony and despair. What I do have at my disposal though, is choice. I can choose how I respond to the Universe, the cosmos and energies that bind us all together. This includes a choice about how I respond to life’s pain. Avoiding suffering, resisting its presence in my life, is a style of avoidance that only magnified my sense of helplessness in the face of human pain.
I had practiced this style of coping to the point I could no longer bear it. Closing off was only increasing my heart ache. Now, practicing tonglen meditation again - the taking in of dark smoke as I inhale and the breathing out of white smoke as I exhale - I “see” the doors of my heart opening wide to receive the darkness. This darkness melds with the suffering and pain I already hold in the center of my being. Sometimes the darkness I breath in, gathers around with my resident pain and I am moved with emotion. Tears well-up in response, flowing down my face. My suffering, the world’s suffering then joins with my out-breath and that which my heart already knows. I am now freed to open, receptive rather than remaining stagnant and withdrawn.
While I experience these deeply complex emotions, and release them as white smoke, I am thoroughly cognizant, aware of the alteration and conversion of my pain, the alchemy I am experiencing. With my awareness beginning to shift, I notice a space in me that opens to joy, loving-kindness, compassion, gratitude and a far-reaching sense of wholeness surrounding me. The Light within me is also surrounding me.
When I have shared about my experiences as I practice tonglen meditation, sometimes I hear responses such as “I already have too much suffering in my life” or “I thought I was supposed to breath in how I wanted to feel” and other thoughts that support humanity’s wish to void pain in this lifetime. Unfortunately, it is easy to believe these thoughts as truth, especially when we experience discomfort as we acknowledge any type of despair. This is our ego, our left brain attempting to keep us alive; our ego, that sees much of life as a threat to our survival.
Suffering cannot be avoided; personally, and generally. We all experience loss for example, even when we reach a goal such as graduation, marriage, giving birth, even the ending of the holiday season as we move into the winter of January each year. Our efforts toward betterment and enjoyment are also woven with the grief associated with letting go of all we needed to grow into what we believe to be for our betterment. As well, we all face the ending of relationships, changes in one’s health, the process of growing older (usually celebrated too?), and even our death; aspects of living that cannot be avoided. Within this suffering, this grief and loss there is opportunity. There are teachers and lessons in each circumstance. If only we have the courage to open our hearts to our suffering so the gifts can too be revealed.
It takes us gathering up our despair, anger and worry as we inhale, pausing to acknowledge it before we can transmute or transfigure this suffering into joy, love, kindness, etc. Without acknowledging sorrow, or pain, anger, worry and fear, we cannot feel the full power and wealth of compassion, loving kindness and gratitude. It is the contrast of the opposites, this paradox that make life so rich. Without suffering none of us would have any sense of what love, kindness or compassion truly are.
One has to have an open heart to live a life of fearlessness, to feel the fear and to find the courage that dwells within it, even though it sounds contrary to what one might need. My tonglen practice is the practice of opening to my own suffering as well as to the world’s suffering. It is my practice of allowing my awareness to rise up out of this agony thusly creating a vast opening for loving kindness and compassion to enter in.
As I again practice tonglen regularly, I am reminded I cannot run away from what I am in the midst of. And though it seems dark and I feel alone at times, my heart’s loving energy is always within me; as so for each of us, always available if we only open to its tender, loving healing.
Spiritual Companioning and Reiki Practice
Spiritual Companioning
““Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside awakes.”
If you are looking for spiritual support you may be feeling particularly vulnerable. You may worry that as a spiritual director I might judge you or tell you what to do or how to think. This is not the role of a spiritual director even though the word “guide” or “director” is part of my title.
As a spiritual companion I am also a pilgrim who is supported by my own spiritual director. I am forever grateful for the compassionate and nurturing support, the unconditional acceptance, loving affirmation and the deep listening I am provided with. How I will support and companion you on your journey, reflects not only my training and experience listening to others but also is a reflection of how I have been loved and supported in my own travels.
“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing”
As a Certified Spiritual Director and Certified Spiritual Direction Supervisor, I will support you on your journey just as I have been support on mine by creating a safe and sacred space in which you can share your joys & sorrows by keeping our relationship and our communication confidential.
Being fully present, listening deeply, actively, and compassionately.
Maintaining clear boundaries and being respectful of your needs and your time.
Honoring your religious and/or or spiritual traditions while meeting you where you are on your sacred journey.
Companioning you as you peel away layers of fear to open your heart to new possibilities.
Holding you in your sorrow, questions of faith or loss of meaning and purpose while providing encouragement as you clarify your truth.
Being compassionate and grateful for all of who you are.
Affirming the beauty of your heart and spirit and welcoming the splendor of your diversity.
Witnessing your gifts and graces even when you cannot see them.
Celebrating you in your perfect humanness.
“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by It.”
Beth provides individual, couple, and group spiritual direction, as well as Individual and group spiritual director supervision.
Individual sessions are 45-50 minutes in length, provided in person or via Zoom to allow for social distancing or to accommodate those at a distance from my physical location.
All fees are based on a sliding scale.
Reiki Practice
“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.”
Reiki is an ancient energy modality that promotes healing by activating the relaxation response, helping the body to balance itself from a very deep level. Something that we can all use during this stressful time of Covid-19 and “sheltering in”.
Usually, Reiki is done by placing the hands in a series of positions over or slightly above the body. This would be the case if we were not currently “sheltering in” unable to safely gather together less than 6 feet apart.
The wonder of Reiki is that it can be done "remotely." In other words you don't have to be present with me to receive the relaxing, healing benefits of this practice.
During this difficult time of a world pandemic I am offering distance Reiki at no change in service to others; a reflection of how profoundly healing I find the benefits of Reiki energy work to be.
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
You may contact Beth for an appointment or for more information by going to:
SPIRITUAL-COMPANION4U.COM
or by email, BETH@SPIRITUAL-COMPANION4U.COM