I was once told there are many parts to the whole. I have also heard said that the whole is more than its parts.
As a therapist in years now past, I supported several clients with multiple parts of their personality. Once referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder, these “others” were often in the double-digit numbers, some with a dominant leader of their sub grouping. All held a purpose; protecting their host against the horrors of humanity – the attack on those most vulnerable and without defenses or agency to stop the wounding from occurring nor with the ability to stanch their cuts from bleeding. Aware of these primitive and resourceful coping strategies I have always appreciated the psychic dynamics of the human experience, especially as a spiritual and mystical expression of that which is greater than any or all of us who populate this earth.
More recently I was introduced to the concept of a dream team. These spiritual helpers (or parts of my psyche) that are my gate keeper, my protector, my angel of neutrality and lastly my true self. Shortly after learning about this dream team, I easily connected with the first three of my personal team – the Gate Keeper, the Protector and the Angel of Neutrality. One the other hand, I found the concept of the 4th dream team member - my true self - a powerful and frightening revelation. What if I could not connect with or locate the 4th member of my dream team? The first three were so obvious to me, how would I set out to even begin my search for my true self? And this is if I agree to accept this mission? The true self within me seemed as if to be lost from any inch of possibility. Perhaps my quest to locate her would lead to my wandering aimlessly within the dark and unknown corners of my soul. And perhaps, even if I should come upon my true self, would I intuitively know her as who she was?
In my own therapy and spiritual direction, I have connection with several parts of myself including the child part of me, the adult part, and a nurturing part of me, for example. These aspects or parts of me made sense in a very practical way. A resource if you will, for those times when playfulness was needed or a responsible, learned part of me would be useful. A time when, sick or tired, I could call on that nurturing part of myself to take care with me and of course the discerning part of me to aid me in understanding all those other aspects of me. The parts that help me make decisions based on information from the present and from past experiences as I look into the future.
To be clear, I am certain I could name many more parts or aspects of myself that come together to create the whole of me. But, . . . My True Self? What is this facet or element of me? This essential component of my dream team? I easily identified and continue to hold close, the archetype of Gate Keeper, Protector, and Angel of Neutrality. After this my mind seems to go blank. Try as I might, I could not “see,” nor have a felt sense of my True Self.
About a month after I met three of my dream team, I was again face to face with my spiritual director, still having not connected with True Self. At this appointment I revealed what I had learned to date about my Dream Team. That I had easily discerned the Gate Keeper, Angel of Neutrality and Protector. And that I was still stumped by True Self, the 4th of my Team.
In previous sessions I had expressed a desire to limit conversation, clear that I was a kinesthetic and experiential learner more than learning by listening. I trust the many liminal and mystical experiences I have had in my life time – those right brain, feeling experiences that guide and support me. Having previously expressed my need, I was almost immediately invited to get on the massage table for a Reiki session. Just what I needed as I always find this energy work healing – much like the shamanic journey that I am no stranger to. This session was much the same as others, my soul/spirit/energy flowing through the upper and lower worlds during while I noticed my body releasing, relaxing and being set free.
There was one significant difference this time though. This time I had a profound realization that my true self was/is free – free from the thinking mind and the stories of my life that I often hear over and over again from my left brain. Free from the stress, fatigue and strain of planning, traffic, decision making, of all aspects of this material life. My True Self is that pure part of me, my unencumbered, loving energy. I did not need to see an image or imagine some intention related to my True Self. I understood without question that True Self is fully in each present moment . No doubt, no questioning. I knew! It was clear to me through a powerful and pure sense of knowing this is a higher truth for me. A trust, so beautiful, so pure and so loving, this experience continues to be beyond words.
What is every more-better . . . I have access to True Self just as I do with my Gate Keeper, Protector and Angel of Neutrality – and now my dream team is complete. Awesome!
Not to say I can stay fully in touch with my Dream Team every minute of the day. Fortunately, I know they are all available for the simple asking – to guide and support me, to love me, to keep me safe and protected. And to remind me that I am, at my core, created in love, the unconditional loving energy that connects me to all that is Love, pure and simple.
Namaste