“No mud, no lotus.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Life is filled with suffering and pain. And, like so many others, I have spent much of my life trying to avoid the mud of my suffering. I have lived many hours of my life in fear that unbearable pain would come to me each time I experienced illness and loss. Perhaps you can relate.
Funny thing though, nothing I do can prevent me from emotional, physical or spiritual pain. As well, sometimes all three come at the same time. Though I try to project and transfer the discomfort I wish to avoid, I still find myself hurting at times. It seems that no matter how much I am motivated by fear, I still cannot avoid the darkness that is part of living this life I have been given.
I would rather always be the lotus that is growing and turning toward the sun. After all, isn’t life the best when experienced with awe, joy-filled wonder and pleasure? This is what I have been striving for most of my life. As I write these words I am chuckling to myself. I happened to have recently looked up the meaning of the word “awe.” I was surprised to learn that awe is not just amazement, joy and wonder. Though the word wonder is part of the definition, so is dread. Yes, awe is both the mud and the resulting lotus. Awe is both my fear and my pleasure, both my pain and my joy.
One cannot exist without the other. Without mud, I cannot grow into the bloom of the lotus. The juxtaposition is necessary. How else would I know light other than to have the contract of darkness? Truthfully - without the comparison my life would be dull. There would be nothing to celebrate and nothing to learn. I would be without life’s fertilizer. It is what supports me. In fact, I would not exist without the deep rootedness within the dark, moist womb where my life began.
Having one of those times when just what I need appears, I came across an article as I was struggling with this post. The article reminded me that my mind is a powerful tool. Simply put, I can be courageous and change my thinking to respond differently when faced with the mud and suffering of life. Yes, I can be fear-filled, dimming my Light, my Wisdom and my Voice. Or, I can be present in each moment, setting my intent toward the Light that is always a part of my life even if I cannot see it. So simple, yet so complex! This is the choice I have – to grow toward the Source or to be a stick-in-the-mud.
Reflecting on a change in my mindset, I thought back about the times in my life when I have faced fear and loss. I wondered if there were times when I was able to turn toward the discomfort of suffering, and instead of cowering in the mud, root myself so I would grow toward the Light? And, the answer is a resounding YES! When I was diagnosed with and treated for cancer! I faced this time of my life head on and grew through it. I fed my body, mind and spirit with what I needed to deepen and expand my spiritual life.
I did not see my journey with cancer as one of suffering. Yes, at times I was afraid and anxious. None of us can escape suffering in this life. Yet, instead of being stuck in fear about what I did not know, I changed my mindset. I trusted my intuition and followed the still, small voice within me. I looked to the experience as an opportunity for something new. As I did so, a wise voice guided me and I learned to support my healing - physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Looking back in time, I see clearly that I needed this dark time to journey with cancer. I was like a seed waiting in the darkness of the earth until the very ground that surrounded me began to be warmed by the Sun. Like the seed I patiently turned toward the Light, waiting for the perfect moment to sprout into my newness. I was held in the soil and grounded in the earth while holding hope for what was to come.
I was not suffering. I was growing! I set my mind to be curious, courageous and peaceful. I opened myself to all I was being offered. I was willing to grow into the next moments of my life, in Awe of the process!
I wonder if it will always take a crisis in my life to remember that I am the Lotus? The answer is, “of course.” How else will I know that life is the Lotus unless I also know that life is the Mud!