“Water in its clear softness fills whatever hole it finds. It is not
skeptical or distrusting. It does not say this gully is too deep
or that field is too open. Like water, the miracle of love is that it
covers whatever it touches, making the touched thing grow while
leaving no trace of its touch True, the faces of shores and the
arms of cliffs are worn to the bone. But this is beyond the water’s
doing. This is the progress of life, of which water is but an element.”
- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening – April 24
Love seems to have so many innuendoes. I believe there are many types of love included in the human, spiritual experience. And yet in the English language, there is only one word to express the varieties of love we sentient beings are capable of.
The Greek language in contrast, has many different words for love. Some examples include – Eros, passionate love including sensual desire and longing – Philia, the love of friendship that is a more dispassionate expression of love – and Agape, unconditional love; most typically a love that denotes God’s love (however you define g-o-d). Agape is considered an ultimate love, one that we strive to embrace and to express in our daily living. A love that is inclusive of even those we might fear and consider as our enemies. And Agape is so all-encompassing that it also includes loving our own humanness with all of its flaws, imperfections and frailties.
Having written the above, I find myself wondering if I have ever, even for a fleeting moment, experienced the unconditional love that is Agape. Certainly I have times that I feel a deep and profound sense of love. An almost unfathomable sensation within me that is so very difficult to put into words. But was my intense emotional experience Agape?
Like water, Agape is always trusting and believing. Doubt and hesitation do not exist in Agape. This love flows to the places most deep and most wide, always eager to move toward rather than away from its destination.
Not certain if I have experienced Agape, I find I have more unanswerable about unconditional love. Perhaps the closest I have come to Agape was a time when my relationship with my adult daughter hit a very ruff patch. Though seeming previously to have been close, we experienced a deep fissure that was painfully widening. I did not know what to do. Not with the painful sense of loss I was experiencing nor about the pain my daughter seemed to be expressing. In spiritual direction, I was reminded of love – and what was suggested to me was that love was all I had to give my daughter during this difficult time in our relationship. Looking back, Agape was all I had to give to myself and to my daughter.
So I began to practice loving her in a much different way than I ever had. Our phone conversations were short and strained. My daughter would often hang up in response to something I said or because her experience had become too intense for her to bear. I never knew which. None-the-less, I practiced loving her without condition. After a painful interaction I would simply say, whether in my mind or out loud, “Just love her.” This was my reminder to drop all expectations of myself, of my daughter and of our relationship. It became my mantra. And it was truly the only thing I could do under the circumstance. Love my daughter without conditions attached.
This was such a profound experience and yet over time my practice of Agape has faded. I have not completely forgotten the power of loving without conditional and for that I am grateful. In fact, it seems that the current political climate is challenging me to again, more consciously practice Agape.
As you might imagine, I am finding this particular practice of Agape to be much more difficult than my previously experience. When I think of this one particular recipient for my unconditional love, fear and anger sometimes over whelm me before any waves of love are able to fill my heart and flow from within me. These emotions seem like a destructive tidal wave and I begin to question how I could possibly feel love toward this particular person.
The irony is, I believe that people who perpetrate the most heinous of crimes against humanity are doing the best they can understand the circumstance. With a fair amount of ease I am able to open my heart to them, allowing love to flow from me. With he who will not be named, I find this more difficult. It’s not that I hate him. It is that I just don’t like him and especially because he seems so unable to experience compassion. As I write this, I realize I am getting in my own way. The love will flow without condition if I simply open my heart.
So I share my practice with you, as a challenge to myself. I am confronting my sense of judgment about others so I may more fully practice unconditional love – for myself and for all sentient beings!
Namaste